Is that you don't know when you're going to stop. Of course there is a percieved time within which you kknow the hormones will *hopefully* not keep being loaded into loving receptors... But that is not the point. Being sixteen (at the moment, I'm sure it will change within a year...) I am still growing and this means my balance is something I constantly have to re-learn. The other day I got out of bed and promptly fell over due to lack of bearing. I am always losing memory of a slightly shorter me. Things are easier when you are short! I would ideally like to stop growing now. That would be lovely. I rollerblade, I go to the gym (yes, I haven't been in a while, but I will go), I ice skate, I cycle, I dance (only in my room when I think there's nobody watching). These things are hard to do now that I'm five foot five. It sounds silly but it's like I can feel that the longer i am, the further my head rests from my feet, the more difficult it is to keep it safe up there. I haven't tripped over in a LONG time though.
However....Looking at my feet all the time does pose some problems. First, I look like a recluse. I'm not one! Second, I don't see people in front of me (or lampposts) and walk into them instead. Have you ever walked into an inanimate object and profusely apologised? I have, probably about four times, in public, with family, on the way home, or whatever. I also kicked a galss table and broke my foot (don't ask), and carefully checked the table. My excuse for this was that "the table will not heal. The foot will."
Incidentally... The foot is still a little messed up... but no matter, no matter (Albus Dumbledore quotes are beginning to leak into my every day language...)
Haven't seen the new Harry Potter movie yet. I hope it's either good enough to write a review about... Or bad enough to take the mickey out of BIG TIME.
Good day to YOU, sirs and madams!
22 November 2010
10 November 2010
[2] long and complex
Sometimes I feel that even though scientifically each day is the same length and I do the same basic functions, the other occurrences which surround the basic parts eventually come together to decide for me how difficult my waking hours are going to become. It seems today has been nearly as long and complex as an invisible ball of string or a double helix of DNA.
The school part, far from being the hardest, is always the most straightforward part of my day. It's once I get home that everything becomes riddled with implication, problem, and disquiet. My sister came home today and found a cousin had committed suicide. I'd like to say the tragedy ends there but it's unfortunate. She is not really my sister, she is my mother's boyfriend's daughter from his second marriage. It was his wife's second marriage too... Hence, she has two older half-sisters.
The divorce proeedings are long and arduous, no need to go into detail with that. Basically now mother's boyfriend is refusing to attend the funeral on the pretence that "I'm not part of that family any more".
From ten every night all I hear is him telling my mother how I've upset his daughter and how I annoy him and it doesn't work here and he's not happy with the way I behave. They don't listen to each other, those three.
There is a great lack of communication and you can see it because they all get so angry with each other and their laziness and stupidity makes me angry at them. the daughter has a new coat that she got two days ago, I said she should go hang it up rather than leaving it crumpled, my mother told me off, I'd found it on the chair I wanted to sit on so I gave it to the daughter, my mother got angry, I got angry, I left the room... My entire life is like this, all the time. I can't do a single thing without somebody being angry at me, but how else am i supposed to sit where I want or get things done?
On Monday, said daughter cried for two hours, loudly, walking round and talking to herself... Mumbling... Generally I shut the door on these things but she opened it and came and cried near my room and it was annoying but I said nothing. Then I got mad because I couldn't do my homework until late because of the distraction... And then everybody got mad at me for blaming her, like it was my fault... What, stupid thought processes here.... It can't be my fault....
The school part, far from being the hardest, is always the most straightforward part of my day. It's once I get home that everything becomes riddled with implication, problem, and disquiet. My sister came home today and found a cousin had committed suicide. I'd like to say the tragedy ends there but it's unfortunate. She is not really my sister, she is my mother's boyfriend's daughter from his second marriage. It was his wife's second marriage too... Hence, she has two older half-sisters.
The divorce proeedings are long and arduous, no need to go into detail with that. Basically now mother's boyfriend is refusing to attend the funeral on the pretence that "I'm not part of that family any more".
From ten every night all I hear is him telling my mother how I've upset his daughter and how I annoy him and it doesn't work here and he's not happy with the way I behave. They don't listen to each other, those three.
There is a great lack of communication and you can see it because they all get so angry with each other and their laziness and stupidity makes me angry at them. the daughter has a new coat that she got two days ago, I said she should go hang it up rather than leaving it crumpled, my mother told me off, I'd found it on the chair I wanted to sit on so I gave it to the daughter, my mother got angry, I got angry, I left the room... My entire life is like this, all the time. I can't do a single thing without somebody being angry at me, but how else am i supposed to sit where I want or get things done?
On Monday, said daughter cried for two hours, loudly, walking round and talking to herself... Mumbling... Generally I shut the door on these things but she opened it and came and cried near my room and it was annoying but I said nothing. Then I got mad because I couldn't do my homework until late because of the distraction... And then everybody got mad at me for blaming her, like it was my fault... What, stupid thought processes here.... It can't be my fault....
[1] New things
Love is a very versatile and complex thing, like shampoo or pancake mix, in a way. There is the basic template for what it includes, for what it entails, and then on top of this there are those parts, the "customisations" which make each type of love. Your love for food sure as hell shouldn't be the same as your love for your friends... Unless they are tasty...Your love for your significant other, your other-half, your boyfriend or girlfriend, fiancee, spouse, mistress, that shouldn't be the same love that you share with your parents and blood relatives. No exceptions to that one, sorry.
I love many things. I love my family, I love my friends, I love my boyfriend, I love my work, I love my sport. All to varying degrees, of course. I would rather spend ten hours with said boyfriend than with work. Work and I argue much more. It is not a sybiotic relationship all the time, I would say. My love for work is a new thing, definitely. I think it because this year I am actually taking subjects I like... Whereas last year I took about fifteen subjects. I didn't like all of these.
There may be people wondering about the name of the blog. I like to think I'm a little like a wolf at times, you see. I certainly eat meat (sorry vegetarians, vegans, cows, and brontosauruses {brontosarii as of now in my personal dictionary...}). I eat a lot of food. It takes a surprising amount to keep a human going, 2,000,000 calories a day. "What? Surely you mean two thaousand?" No, because those are kilocalories.
The wolf reference also stems from the fact that some people see me as harmless when I am not, and some people see me as dangerous when I am not. Timing is crucial with these things.
I'm not sure of my opinion on new things, but all I know is before I get them, if I know they are being received by me, I do get a bit nervous (erkle)... Just in case they're... Not quite right.
I love many things. I love my family, I love my friends, I love my boyfriend, I love my work, I love my sport. All to varying degrees, of course. I would rather spend ten hours with said boyfriend than with work. Work and I argue much more. It is not a sybiotic relationship all the time, I would say. My love for work is a new thing, definitely. I think it because this year I am actually taking subjects I like... Whereas last year I took about fifteen subjects. I didn't like all of these.
There may be people wondering about the name of the blog. I like to think I'm a little like a wolf at times, you see. I certainly eat meat (sorry vegetarians, vegans, cows, and brontosauruses {brontosarii as of now in my personal dictionary...}). I eat a lot of food. It takes a surprising amount to keep a human going, 2,000,000 calories a day. "What? Surely you mean two thaousand?" No, because those are kilocalories.
The wolf reference also stems from the fact that some people see me as harmless when I am not, and some people see me as dangerous when I am not. Timing is crucial with these things.
I'm not sure of my opinion on new things, but all I know is before I get them, if I know they are being received by me, I do get a bit nervous (erkle)... Just in case they're... Not quite right.
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